Valentine's Day Mishaps

For those of you who had a romantic dinner with your loved one yesterday, complete with roses and chocolate and no tag-along children, this blog is not for you. This entry is for the rest of us schmoes who may have crumpled under the stress that can be Valentine's Day.

The day started off harried and it got harrier. I awoke at 6 a.m. to run to the store to get the girls some treats to give their classmates for Valentine's Day. As is often the case when shopping at Wal-Mart, I had to buy more stuff than I needed because I started thinking of other poor souls who might not get a Valentine. More than $50 later, I left Wal-Mart with a cart full of "schtuff."

Just as I arrived home, the neighbor lady called me. The neighbor lady has a phobia of driving in the snow, so she calls me up for rides to her work in the River Bottoms anytime it snows. Despite the huge dumps we've been getting this year, I've only had to drive her three times. Yesterday was one of those times. I quickly drove her to work and tried to make it home before Lissy's preschool began. Luckily, the preschool teacher canceled school because of sickness. Woot, woo! I could make my loved ones a great Valentine's Day breakfast. I set out a little Valentine's gift at the table for each girl, and I brought out Kulani's Valentine's gift (a meat grinder--nothing says "you're mine" like a meat grinder). Kulani wasn't interested in any waffles, and the girls didn't care for any either, as they were busy with their new Valentine's gifts, so I scratched the breakfast idea. Kulani left for work, and we planned to later meet up for the Elder's Quorum's Valentine's Dinner and Dance that was to be catered by Carabbas and free babysitting from the young women. All for the incredibly good price of $25 per couple. Schweet!

I had to finish up a little project at work, and then two neighbor kids needed to be watched for a few hours. We got Lilia's Valentine's ready for her class and dropped her off at the bus stop. I posted a Valentine's Day post on this blog. We drove to Orem to pick up the neighbor across the street. The babysitting parents came to pick up their kids. We dropped off Valentines to my visiting teachees and some neighbor girls. We picked up Lilia from the bus stop. I decided to squeeze in a run after reading the scale that said I'd gained three pounds over the past two weeks. The 40 minute run took over an hour thanks to Nohea constantly trying to come close to the treadmill. The three girls took a bath while I took a shower. My shower took about 45 minutes because I needed to shave my legs. (Damn those long legs of mine--hee, hee!) By this time, we only had 1/2 hour to get the girls fed and all of us ready to go. Kulani arrived 10 minutes before the dinner, and the pizza was still in the oven, Nohea was in her diaper, and narry a shoe was to be on foot. Nohea had a slight break down, so I sat in the chair to nurse her. We found shoes and socks, loaded up the girls, and made our way to the church; a good half hour after the event had started. We walked into the church to find the babysitting room. Turns out, no babysitting room. Where are the babysitters? Kulani found the Elder's Quorum president, who told Kulani they'd canceled the babysitting but forgot to tell him because he's in nursery. We felt like we'd showed up to the prom in our underwear. We just felt...dumb. The Elder's Quorum president tried to convince us to take our kids to his house and have his babysitter watch our kids as well as his 2-year-old daughter, but it just didn't seem right. Here it was a solid 45 minutes after the event had started, and we were going to require the use of his babysitter unannounced. We tried our best to politely turn down his urgings. He felt really bad, but it just didn't seem right to impose on him like that. So we left with the girls and drove to Orem to McGrath's for dinner. We managed to find a seat within a half hour. The service was slow, and Nohea insisted on being walked around the restaurant. We didn't bother waiting to order dessert. Melissa fell asleep on their floor. Lilia was sad because she wanted to be watched by the young women, and we'd built up the night for her. To soothe our sorrows, we went to Wal-Mart and bought a Playstation 3 with Blueray player. Yes, I suppose we are guilty of guilt shopping.

In short, sometimes we make a huge deal about Valentine's Day. I don't want to be a hater, because I welcome a day to show those we love that we love them. But perhaps it's too much to try to live up to the perfect ideal of a perfect Valentine's Day. I see it in men's faces as they stand in front of the displays of flowers wondering which kind to get their significant other. You know, I'm not sure I can recall one Valentine's Day my parents went all out to show each other their love for one another. They showed it through working hard for the good of the family, through being kind and loving on a daily basis, and by doing acts of service. For my parents' generation, Valentine's Day was for school kids to pass out little card Valentines to each other. Well, Kulani and I may have muffed up this Valentine's Day, but at least we now have a Blueray player--ah yeah! And Lilia summed up the night thusly: Sometimes you want to do something and things go wrong, but it's okay because we can just do other things as a family.

You had me at Jell-O

WARNING: This entry may get sappy. Turn back now or continue with caution.

It's been 11 years to the date that Kulani and I were engaged. I thought for posterity's sake, it might be fun to reflect on those early dating months when Kulani and I fell in love.

We were both living in the Miller Apartment complex in the middle of Cougar Town (AKA Provo). My roommates and I were going door-to-door trying to find guys willing to play on our co-ed basketball team. We knocked on Kulani's door, and he asked if I lived in the apartment complex. Of course, I did, hadn't he been to church? I'd seen him leaving church in his little Volkswagen Rabbit, but he apparently had never seen me. He says it was the short pleated skirt I was wearing with knee-high socks that got his attention. I went home after unsuccessfully finding players, and I looked up Kulani's name in the ward directory. "Kulaniakea Fisher" it read. Hmm, I guess the "akea" is silent, or so I thought. I practiced saying the name so that when I saw him again, I could say, "Hi, Kulani."

So I saw him around campus on a couple of more occasions, always shouting out a "Hi, Kulani." He would just look at me. Finally while passing him a third time at the bottom of the Miller Apartment complex where everyone picks up their mail, he turns and asks me, "What's your name again?" So I pull out my best line: "Cindy, you know, like Cindy Brady." He remembered my name all right, because that Friday, he called me up for a date--a last minute kind of thing to go eat all-you-can eat Mexican food and drinks with his brothers and their wives in Salt Lake City. However, I had just returned from a date. You see, the Miller Apartment Complex was known for having lots of intra-ward dates. The bishop had a mandate that girls ask boys on dates every third week of each month. So a lot of dates were going down, and people seemed to always invite me along. But it was rare someone actually asked me out on a one-on-one date. Even though I was already stuffed to the gills with Mexican food, I thought it would be fun to take him up on his offer. Afterall, I needed to get to know this fine-looking Polynesian whose name included four silent letters at the end.

Turned out his full name was pronounced KOOLAHNEEAKAYEH, I found out. Kulani was the shorter version. He found out my dad was a car dealer, and no, he did not own Christenson Motors in Provo, a very big dealership. For a moment, I think he saw visions of marrying a daughter whose father might bequeath her with a new truck. When we started talking about music, I knew we were going to be fast friends. "Have you ever heard of the Smiths?" He asked me. Had I ever heard of the Smiths? Psha! Is your girlfriend still in a coma? Of course I'd heard of the Smiths! We had so much in common, including loving alternative music whilst growing up in small towns with people who were not as enlightened on the whole music world. We made it to the dinner, and I met many of Kulani's siblings. They were drinking virgin pina colada after virgin pina colada. I could barely squeeze down one strawberry daquiri, having still been full from the previous date. My teeth were swimming, to pardon the term. Kulani's family seemed like a fun-loving and uber-accomplished group. Two of his brothers were finishing their last semesters as medical students at the University of Utah, and his other brother was finishing up his master's degree in architecture.

Kulani's old Volkswagen made it to Salt Lake City for the date, but bless its heart, it didn't quite make it home after the date. He stalled on I-15 right outside the Johanna's Kitchen sign. I'm not sure if that billboard is there anymore, but for the longest time, that was our little nudge, nudge, wink, wink billboard. To keep warm, we had to huddle close to each other (perhaps Kulani had it planned all along to have the car break down). Not very many people carried cell phones in those days (1996), so a limo driver pulled over and let us borrow his cell phone to call Kulani's brother to come help us out. Kulani's brother showed up with jumper cables. The car just needed a little jump with the battery, and we drove back to Miller Apartments. The car lasted a little longer before dying, when the radiator hoses broke and caused a man-made geyser to explode from the engine. It was a sight to behold, like going to Yellowstone to see Old Faithful. So we relied on my old 1984 Pontiac, which wasn't in much better shape. We drove the Pontiac out of the temple parking lot the day we were married, but not before Kulani pushed it while I popped the clutch. It lasted a solid year after we were married before giving up the ghost. (But, of course, Dad somehow fixed the Pontiac and it roams the streets of Burley to this day. Never say never when it comes to old cars.)

That date set a string of dates in motion for the gorgeous pineapple and the Idaho spudnik. We dated nearly everyday for the next four months. And then Valentine's Day arrived. I knew Kulani wanted to ask me on Valentine's Day, but I didn't know when or how he would do it. We headed to Mullboon's, the nicest restaurant in town in those days, for a nice dinner. After dinner, he presented me with a Cracker Jack box. "Oh, the ol' ring in the Cracker Jack box routine," I thought. I opened up the box, which had been tampered with. He told me to dig a little deeper for a prize. I did, and sure enough, there was a prize inside: a free tattoo. We laughed and laughed. Later, we went to the movies. Kulani excused himself to get some popcorn. He came back and we shared the popcorn. As I was eating, I found a box inside the tub of popcorn. The box looked very much like a ring box. He told me to open it. I did. Inside was a bunch of Hershey Kisses. Another hearty laugh. After the movie, we went to Kulani's friend Jeremy's house for dessert. Before driving, Kulani brought out a package. It was his Valentine's gift to me. I opened the package, and inside was a bottle of perfume. "Isn't there anything else?" He asked. This time I knew it would be the ring, but I shook the bag and out came another little bottle of perfume. Another tricky trap! By this time, I just assumed he would ask me another day. We pulled up to Jeremy's house, and Kulani nudged me inside. There in the middle of Jeremy's floor was a toy train rolling around a track. On the caboose was the ring in a box with a note attached that read, "I choo, choo, choose you." Kulani got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. If you have never seen the Simspon's Valentine's episode, you wouldn't get that reference. Lisa feels bad for Ralphie because he doesn't get any Valentine's, so she gives him one, and as Ralphie tells her later, "You gave me a Valentine and it had a picture of a train and it said, 'I choo, choo, choose you.'" Lisa later goes on to break his heart, but that didn't happen in our story. (Sidenote: One of the best lines out of Ralphie's mouth comes from that episode: "The doctor said I wouldn't have any nose bleeds if I just kept my finger out of there.")

So Kulani, if you happen to read this, it's been 11 years since you cho, cho, chose me, and I'd choo, choo, choose you all over again. I love you!

Funny Things Said By Friends or Family Around Our Dinner Table

"I grew up in Preston, Idaho, and I worked in the little town grocery store. Once this lady came up to me asking me where she could find Ricotta. I didn't know what Ricotta was, so I asked her to describe it to me. She said it's a type of cheese and you use it in lasagna. I was thinking, 'Lady, this is Preston, Idaho. Use cottage cheese like the rest of us.'" -- Brent Hulme

When I think of more, I'll post them here.

Sun Up, Sun Down

I am jealous of those of you with schedules: kids up at such and such time, go here and then there, have naps at such and such time, eat at scheduled time, go to bed at such and such. Such and such is hard for me to figure out. Perhaps my days have a rythym and rhyme to them, but it doesn't feel like it to me. I mostly feel frazzled. I try to work at least two hours on work from home a day, but I sometimes can't even get that much in. And this winter has been driving me bonkers. I want to go outside and play, but I'm too cold and miserable, so we stay inside and vegetate; the new jogging stroller Kulani bought me just mocks me in the living room. We should go to the library or do something constructive, but I don't even want to drive or leave the house. I hope I'm not turning into Jack Nickelson in The Shining. But here's a schedule of a typical day at our house:

5:00 AM: I'm up and trying to work. I work until I get tired, which may be an hour or maybe even two hours, and then I lay back down and take a "quick" nap. Usually Nohea wakes up around 6:45 AM either just as I'm getting in my work groove or in my sleep groove. I pick her up, bring her to bed to let her nurse and give mom a few more minutes sleep.

8:00 AM: Start arousing Melissa for preschool (Tuesdays and Thursdays). I try to let Lilia stay sleeping, but she usually gets up too. Lilia is a morning person; Lissy is not. Lissy cries over various things during the morning, either me having to brush her hair, brush her teeth, the wrong kind of breakfast, etc. Their attitudes reverse at night (as described below).

9:00AM: Usually I'm helping ladies in the neighborhood watch their kids for a few hours. So by this time I have a mini-van full of kids taking them to preschool. I come home and make breakfast for Lilia and Nohea and any other lingering children. After breakfast, I sit down at my laptop and try working again, and let Lilia watch a cartoon or color or draw or she rearranges the living room furniture or feigns to clean up her room, while really making a larger mess. Nohea crawls around or tries walking and stops by my lap for nursing every half hour or so. If I'm watching two babies, which is sometimes the case, I just sit in the rocking chair and hold both babies while we watch a little television. Not much gets done when watching two babies.

11:00 AM: Pick up any kindergartners from the bus stop. Come home and start making lunch and cleaning up breakfast dishes. Lunch is usually a healthy bowl of Mac'nCheese (from the blue box) or Ramen noodles. Yesterday we had fish sticks, though. Always hated fish sticks in school, but now I love them.

11:30 AM: Pick up Lissy from pre-school, along with any other kids who need a ride and a home to stay at for a few hours. Come home and make sure everyone is fed. Clean up dishes. Let kids play while I try to squeeze in more work or hold the baby until she falls asleep.

12:10 PM: Take Lilia to the bus stop for her preschool to begin.

1:30 PM: All kids that are not my own are now gone, and I find time to fit in a nap, while Melissa plays quietly by herself. Melissa is pretty good at playing by herself.

3:00 PM: I'll either do laundry whilst watching Dr. Phil, or we'll go grocery shoppng or to the library or just out to avoid getting stir crazy.

3:45 PM: Pick up Lilia from the bus stop.

5:00 PM: Tidy the house. Do some more laundry. Start preparing for dinner.

7:00 PM: Meet Kulani at the gym or run downstairs on the treadmill. Occasionally we'll take the whole family to the rec center, and we'll run on the track and then go swimming. About this time of night is when Lilia starts getting surly. She'll start to think about all the things she wanted to do today and what we didn't get to do, and she'll pout. She has break downs over simple things. Lissy, on the other hand, will be cooperative and kind. They mirror Kulani and my attitudes to a tea. I'm the morning person and a terrible grump at night. Kulani is a grump in the morning and very kind at night. I'm glad we're not all breaking down at the same time. This house would fall apart.

8:30 PM: Have dinner.

9:00 PM: Family prayer and bedtime.

10:00 PM: Wind down to sleepy town.

I can't get out of the college student rut of going to bed late and getting up early. But still, writing down my schedule has helped me see I'm not so frazzled after all. I think it's having a baby that makes me feel so useless. It seems I'm constantly holding or watching her. I used to think that if someone can make it past that first year of a baby's life, then you can make it until their 18. I remember before Nohea was born thinking how nice my life was going. Lilia and Melissa were old enough to get dressed by themselves. They didn't need my constant attention. I remember thinking: Am I ready to do this all over again? But time passes. Hopefully things will settle down and I'll be back to feeling groovy--or at least, in a groove. Kulani is good not to expect much out of me. He never complains when the house is a mess or the laundry isn't done (well, he does like having clean underwear, but other than that, he's learned the secret code of drop-off dry cleaning). And Nohea turns 1 on Sunday. I've survived this far, I might as well keep her around for the next 17.

The Bug

So this is the final in my three-part kid update from my perspective. My first thoughts of Nono is that she is the most daring of our children. I hate to use comparisons to describe our children, but I can't help it on this one. Lilia and Lissy just seemed to know to stay away from the edge - like the edge of beds, couches, etc. Nono has no fear of that. She heads for the edge with reckless abandon and many a time we catch her just as she's going over. She's also fearless of the cat. Nono's desire to hold the cat far outstrips the pain the cat inflicts with his biting. The cat doesn't bite hard enough to break skin, but certainly put enough on it to make his point. Nono remains undeterred. The cat will swipe at her a couple of times to keep her away, but she just makes a full frontal attack and pulls the cat in.

Nono loves Alika. The first time he came to the house when he came up to school, Nono was in a foul mood. She was upset with mom and apparently I had nothing to offer. Alika came in and started talking to her and she stopped crying. He picked her up and she started smiling. They've got along famously ever since. Alika had been stopping by with some regularity since his job at Cabela's already had him in the neighborhood. The Cabela's thing is coming to an end, but calculus is rough, so Alika still comes by. During those times, Nono and Alika have taken turns comforting each other. When he's down, she can tell and will snuggle in. When she's down, he picks her up and carries her around.

It seems that the Bug has always just been one of the girls. She gets right in and joins in with whatever we're doing. She's the same with conversations, adding in her babble. Nono and I have our standard greetings that involve a head bonk and a kiss. When she's in her car seat or just doesn't want to leave mom (but still wants to talk to me) we have an interchange - I say Nono Bugs - she responds with Daddy. Or she calls me, and I respond. She's a lot of fun and a great little sister.

The Toad

Lissy is my sweet, strong-willed second child. She has big, beautiful eyes that are a reflection of her mood. When she's happy, they light up her face. When she's sad, or wants you to think she's sad, her eyes are baleful.

Her facial features and hair come from Cindy's side. Her body shape is more like mine. Cindy assures me that she has my temperment. Which might be why we clash sometimes.

Some of Lissy's favorite activities right now include dancing. She was recently fond of saying, "I've got the moves!", which I think is from a Disney movie. She'll spend time developing her moves and then show them to me. Some of my favorites include the elevated running man - she suspends herself between two chairs and then churns her legs furiously. Her latest move is the classic high-school dance move that includes stepping one foot in front of the other in succession. She also likes to do the "Get your head in the game" with Lilia.

She's also very fond of watching movies and playing the role of a princess. Her favorite princess is Cinderella and is the doll she wanted for Christmas. Some of my favorite memories with Lissy involves movies. Often on Sunday afternoon or on weekend nights she'll approach me and with her sweet, slightly nasally voice, she'll ask if I'll watch a movie with her. We'll start and then lay down on the bed and she'll snuggle in. Then she helps me understand the movie by narrating it, including which toys if any she has related to the movie and whether she's seen the movie at other childrens' homes.

Lissy's food choices are varied. Like many kids, she loves mac 'n cheese at any time. She also is a big fan of peanut butter and jelly. Not so amazing, I know. What is amazing is that some of her favorites include sushi and especially salmon nigiri and crab. She can take or leave steak and hamburgers, but loves vegetables and especially edamame, brocolli, and brussel sprouts (in that order). If you leave a can of capers where she can get to them she will (and has on more than one occasion) eat most of the rest of the bottle.

For a good part of her infancy Lissy simply refused to have anything to do with me. She preferred her mother first, strangers next, loneliness third, and me a distant last. We've since worked through that, but still have a hard time making it all the way through a Daddy-Daughter date with just the two of us. She decided I had some usefulness when she discovered at the age of about two that I could rub her knees in a way that she liked. You've got to start somewhere, right.

Don't bug me, I'm sleeping.

So recently Melissa ratted me out. She told Kulani that her bear's daddy goes to work while her bear's mommy can sleep. So now Kulani thinks I sleep all day while he's at work. Yes, I'm guilty of taking a one-hour or maybe (on rare occasion, I promise) a two-hour nap here and there, but it's not an everyday occurance. And when I'm napping, I make sure to lock the door and let the girls run around and dirty up the house and basically do whatever they want. I hope I'm not as bad as Lisa Simpson in the futuristic Simpsons episode where she marries Nelson and her dozen or so kids are all running around, while she's lying on the sofa yelling, "Quit it! Quit it! Momma's watching her stories." Unless Dr. Phil counts as a "story" ...