Sunday, December 12, 2010

How Divorce Affects Friends and What it Means to Me, Me, Me!

Recently, Kulani visited an old friend who is going through a rough patch in his life. His wife has decided she doesn't want to be married anymore. They have three young children.

Because we never know what to do in situations like this, we brought them some dinner. It's the Mormon way: "You feel like you're at the worst emotional low in your life? How about some spaghetti to bring you out of the abyss." I personally think it works.

I waited in the car while Kulani delivered the dinner, so he could talk with him privately. After visiting for a short while, Kulani came back to the car.

"The guy's not doing well. He's lost a lot of weight," Kulani said.

"Well, it's good we brought him some food," I said.

And then it was kind-of silent. There was small talk about the kids and how the guy is going to handle it from here. But inside, Kulani and I were both thinking: "Could this happen to us?"

This couple was married only five days after us. We left our honeymoon to make it to their wedding at the Salt Lake Temple.

We don't know what goes on behind closed doors, and we aren't judging or blaming. (Well, we could and we do, but that goes on inside our heads, and I wouldn't speak it openly. Just like you wouldn't mention how snug my clothes have been fitting lately.) But when an announcement of divorce is made, especially from close friends or family, it does make me pause and look at my own marriage.

After we came in the house, Kulani says to me, "We're implementing date night around here." I was all on board for that.

So for that, my divorced friends who probably already have so much guilt, sadness, frustration, unpeace, embarrassment, and  consternation, perhaps it has helped me have a better marriage in a small, little way. I don't want to end up divorced, so I'll work harder to not succomb to that end.

(Sorry for the selfishness of this post. In times of divorce, the least people to worry about are how friends are affected. But this is the Fisher blog, and what you will likely read about on here is how world events affect the Fishers, not the Brownstones down the street with their dog that yaps all night and how on earth they think that's acceptable?!)

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