After reading my first quiz in Seventeen magazine when I was around 13 years old, I knew the coolest job in the world would be thinking up the quizzes that made millions of young girls more self aware of their behavior and aura on the world. Little did I know way back then--when paper notes were still passed, a phone call to a guy you liked still risked running the chance of having to talk to his mom first, and the closest thing we had to e-mails was being in the same computer class with Apple IIe's that had a version of instant messenger--that blogs would give me the chance to be the editor-in-chief of my own little "magazine."
Please be part of my dream come true and take my parenting quiz. All of these questions are based on actual stories from actual friends (not the imaginary ones who visit me nightly). Answer the questions as best you can, then find out what kind of parent you are based on the Cindy scale of parenting (very scientific).
1. You're child's nursery/primary/synagogue/church teacher for ages 5 and under doesn't seem to be doing a very good job, in your opinion, because every time you ask your child about what they learned in church, you get a blank stare. You:
a) confront the bishop/pastor/rabbi and ask that the teacher be spoken to about more appropriate Sunday lessons where something of a spiritual nature is actually taught. (5 points)
b) ask the teacher directly if you can somehow help out to make things better. (3 points)
c) let things be. Perhaps it's your child who just didn't listen. (1 point)
2. Some new neighbors move in next door, and they own a big pitbull dog. You:
a) go over to the neighbor's house, introduce yourselves for the first time, and procede to ask what type of dog that is and demand that the neighbor buy a huge fence to keep the dog in, or the first sight of that dog on your lawn and you're calling the cops. (5 points)
b) take a plate of cookies over to the family and suggest they go halfsies on a new fence separating your lawns. (3 points)
c) let things be. If you start to see problems, you'll deal with it then. (1 point)
3. You take your child to McDonald's and while playing on the equipment, you notice one child with a diaper that appears to have leaked through her pants. You:
a) approach the parent of the child and tell her that you are uncomfortable with her child playing on the equipment with a leaky diaper, because your daughter/son plays on that same equipment. (5 points)
b) fetch the McDonald's manager to have her/him talk to the parent. If he/she won't, take your child and leave. (3 points)
c) let things be. Germs are a part of life. What doesn't kill your child makes him/her stronger. (1 point)
4. At the park, a biggish child is throwing dirt at all the other kids. The child's parent seems to be nowhere in site, or is busily attending to other things such as a book. You:
a) find the parent and tell him/her to pay attention to his/her child. (5 points)
b) tell the dirt-throwing child to please stop. (3 points)
c) ignore the child and tell your kids to avoid the dirt thrower as best they can. (1 point)
5. A Sunday/Saturday/Friday School teacher disciplines your child by sticking him/her in the corner. You:
a) get upset with the teacher because all the parenting books you've read say sitting the child in a corner ruins the child's self-esteem. (5 points)
b) call the teacher and listen to her side of the story; apologize, then suggest the teacher come get you the next time your child acts up. (3 points)
c) don't think twice about it. Knowing this child, you know time-out will be a constant companion for the next few years. (1 point)
6. Your child starts wanting to dress herself/himself, even though they might not have the whole color coordination thing down yet. You:
a) never relenquish control. You have a reputation to uphold, and your children are a reflection of that reputation. (5 points)
b) You let your child choose to dress himself/herself on days when you aren't going anywhere; and you get to dress her/him on days when you are going somewhere. (3 points)
c) Shorts in the winter? Whatever. Just put it on and let's go. We're in a hurry today, as always. (1 point)
7. Your child's bedtime is:
a) at 7:30 p.m. strictly every night, even when on vacation.
b) at 8:30 p.m., except vacations.
c) before 10 p.m., except vacations, summertime, weekends, winter breaks, and summer breaks, and for the kids not in school yet, they can stay up past 10 p.m.
35-25: You're somewhere between Mussolini and Marth Stewart. You're okay with other people living their own lives, as long as their lives are in strict observance to the same lifestyle as yours. You plan to have exactly two children, spacing them out exactly five years apart because that's what all the best parenting books suggest gives children the best chance of eliminating sibling rivalry. You carry disinfecting wet wipes everywhere you go, and before anyone holds your newborn, you make them rub hand sanitizer on their hands. And if other parents aren't being as responsible as you, you take it upon yourself to set the parent straight. Your child will leave your home as soon as he/she turns 18, and they will likely spend the next 20 years in therapy. They will begrudge all you did for him/her, and you'll be lucky if he/she remembers to send a birthday card on your birthday. But of course, that will likely never happen as you will guilt her/him into sending you one by reminding her/him about your upcoming birthday every other day the month preceding your birthday.
24-12: You're a responsible parent: a veritable Carol Brady. You care enough for your children to help them become able, competent adults, but not so much that you alienate yourself from others by your wicked over-protectiveness. Your children will most likely live safely until the age of 18, when they'll finally sprout their wings and fly. And they will most likely leave as soon as they can, because although you tried to show a balanced life of discipline and love, your child is ready for his/her independance. Your child will visit appropriately every holiday and birthday, and he/she will have fond memories of her/his upbringing. But that doesn't mean he/she will ever want to move back home; no thank you. A little bit of a good thing is sufficient...for both of you.
11-7: You're a hippi at heart if not in reality. You love your children and believe that the best place for a parent is to stand back and let your children be the people that God most intended them to be. If your body will let you, you'll have as many children as God blesses you with; naming each one of them with the same letter of the alphabet or names from the Bible. You're uncomfortable with public education and would rather home school your children or place them in a private school that grades according to how the child thinks he or she did. Or alternatively, you like public education if for nothing else the free bus ride to school. Yours is the house everyone wants to be at. You lean more toward a friend than a parent. Your children will likely never leave your home, opting instead to stay in the bosom of your love. Or... you have three or more children under the age of 6.