Role Reversals

Today I walked to the bus stop to pick up Lilia. As I got closer to her, I could tell she was holding back tears. She ran to me as soon as she saw me. She started wiping her eyes and tried masking how bad she was feeling. After the other two girls veered off into their home, Lilia let it all come out. She started to cry. I hugged her and waited for her to gain her composure. She said she brought some gum in her backpack and was waiting until after school to share a piece with the older neighbor girl Kayla. When she brought out the gum, Kayla told her that gum wasn't allowed on the bus. That's all it took to hurt Lilia's feelings. Sometimes it's like looking in a mirror from my childhood when I watch Lilia. I called Kulani to tell him about our exchange, and that did him in. "I'm coming home," he said. Poor Kulani has been working so much lately he's barely been able to see the girls.

My college-age brother has been storing some stuff in our basement for the past couple of weeks. Like every good college student, he has a healthy stash of ramen noodles. Our family's newest favorite taste sensation is a dish Hawaiian's call Saimin. It's made with ramen noodles, spam, and green onions, and it's our favorite Sunday after-church treat. I've had to borrow from Ed's stash a couple of times. I can tell this bothers Lilia. Today she asked me if I'd paid Ed back for his ramen. I lied and said I had. She asked me again. I said, "Well, not yet, but I'm going to, I promise." Her reply: "Good. Thanks for telling the truth, Mom. You did good."

Melissa has invented this new princess she calls Cranberry Rose. From what I gather, she's part Cinderella, but in a red dress. Today I asked her if it would be all right if I took a nap and she not bother me. She told me that would be a good idea, because than I wouldn't be so cranky. So I tried lying down to sleep in my bedroom. However, Cranberry Rose interrupted me every 10 minutes or so asking me to help her with design choices. "Mom, do you think Cranberry Rose should wear these shoes or these shoes? ... Mom, can you help Cranberry Rose put on her gloves? ... Mom, I'm letting you sleep, but does Cranberry Rose look fabulous?" What did she say to me after I gave up and came out of my room? "Hey, Mom, did you have a good nap?"

The Greenwoods invited us over to their house to try out their totally awesome slip-n-slide. Here are some pictures. Even though I didn't plan on joining the kids, I could tell Nohea wanted to slide down, so I joined her in my workout clothes I had on. Days like this remind me why it's so great to be a mom.

New Design thanks to my Stylist

This has been my best blog design to date, thanks to my blog stylist, Angela. Didn't she do a great job?! Thanks, Angela! It looks really awesome!

Luau Etiquette

Just another friendly reminder about the luau next Saturday (Sept. 6). If you were thinking there would be dancing and singing, think again. Once the girls take hula lessons, we may incorporate it into the festivities, but for now, it's only about the food. Kulani's family has a saying: "There's the singing and dancing side of the island, then there's the working side of the island. We come from the working side of the island." Some of you have asked whether you should bring money. The answer is no. We do not have a 1-year-old baby nor is this about a birthday. This is just our attempt at keeping ties to the "old ways." Also, you do not need to bring anything. However, if you are insisting, bring fresh fruit, a side salad, or a drink, if it suits you. This luau is more about meat.

There is a slight learning curve to a luau if you've never been. For those who have been coming for years, I think by now you know the gist of it. But for you first timers, let me provide the following tips:

• Come hungry. The saying at all luaus goes: you don't eat until you're full, you eat until you're tired. Then you take a nap, get up, and eat some more.
• Try not to disparage the food so loudly. Besides the sides that people bring, this will be authentic cultural cuisine. It would be in poor taste to question any of the food choices. Anthony Bourdain would not approve. There will be some poi on hand, which you can try. (It's a purple, pastey looking dish.) But don't take a lot, and don't moan when you taste it. I'm warning you now: if you didn't grow up eating poi, you will likely not enjoy the flavor or texture. But trust me, Islanders love this stuff.
• Dress casual, very casual. Dust off the mu-mus, dawn the flip-flops; this is your chance to wear the Hawaiian shirt in the back of your closet; anything goes--and I mean ANYTHING (growl!).
• Children are more than welcome to come.

Kulani usually sets out name tags for each of the dishes, so you know what it's called. By now, most of you have had Hawaiian food at least once in your life. Here's another chance. We can't wait!

Blanding folks: nosy in a good way

You know when you pass a diesel truck carrying three loads, tradition has it that you honk your horn three times? Well, start honkin': I'm posting three times in one day.

Got a call from Kulani's old neighbor Sister Swenson this morning. She was worried about Kulani's mom, who had a scary health episode on Monday. Sister Swenson didn't see the Fisher's car in the driveway today, so she called information to find our number to see if we knew where Kulani's mom and dad were at. She was afraid Afton, Kulani's mom, might be in the hospital. Kulani's mom is fine and they traveled up to Spanish Fork for a grandson's mission farewell.

I don't know if all small-town folks are similar to Blanding folks, but people who grew up in Blanding are particularly nosy--but in a good way. Recently, while in Blanding, I left my grocery cart for a couple of seconds, and a kindly woman reminded me to take my purse with me at all times, because even in small towns like Blanding, theives are waiting to pounce. This kind of exchange is not uncommon when I go to Blanding. People really care, and they let you know. At first, it kind of took me off guard to have so many "mothers" helping me out. But with age and maturity, I know they really do mean well, and they really don't wish to see harm, danger, bad manners, bad breath, etc. befall me. As Kulani's parents age and their health starts to deteriorate, it's nice to know neighbors like Connie Swenson are there looking out for them.

The demise of newspapers and a piece of my heart

I've watched with heavy heart as newspapers across the U.S. are changing and dying. The local newspaper I grew up reading has merged with the bigger newspaper out of Twin Falls. They're still the South Idaho Press, but it's different. The Sunday paper is the Times News, the editorial board is out of Twin Falls, not Burley, and the writers are mostly stringers. The Deseret News recently announced that they cut 30% of their staff. And I predict that within the next 20 years, there will be even less newspapers, teetering on none.

After a brief desire to be an entrepreneur, from 10th grade on I wanted to be a journalist. And not a television journalist, but a My-Man-Friday, dirty, smelly, print journalist. When I graduated from BYU in print journalism, a degree that doesn't exist anymore--it's just a non-descript journalist--there were only about 10 of us graduating with that particular degree. I've worked in about three different newspaper agencies, and in every one, you get a feel for what newspaper people are like. For the most part, they're characters: odd ducks with funny personalities and strange passions. They're also slobs and they smell funky. The hours are long, and the pay is worse than terrible, and the dress reflects that. It's not uncommon to see ties that should have been retired in the 80s still being worn by newspaper men. In the game Life, before the pay increases, a journalist made the same amount of money as a teacher: $24,000. That still holds true, but journalists don't get summer break or overtime. It's not uncommon for journalists to work 10-14 hour days. And it's a lot of fun, but it's draining.

I carry in my heart all the odd ducks I've met from my newspaper journies.

• Doc Taylor practically lived at the Utah County Journal/Orem Daily Journal. He loved classical music and grew up in a polygamist colony, though I don't think his mom was polygamist. He could talk your ear off. He probably single-handedly interviewed every person in Utah County.
• Lewis Wohlman was a jewish Wisconsin native, who moved to America Samoa, married a mormon woman, moved back to Provo to be near his kids while they attended BYU, and was one of the best editors I ever had. He pushed me to tears on a few occassions. But I developed a tougher skin and learned to really care about what I was writing.
• Gale Norton was the craziest man I've ever met. I'm pretty sure everything that came out of his mouth was false. He claimed to have won a Pulitzer for editing, but I'm not sure they give away Pulitzers for editing. He was in his 70s, so we gave him a pass on a lot of stuff, including the occassional sexist comment. But he was interesting, and I did learn some valuable grammar lessons from him.

And given time, I saw myself turning into one of them. I don't know what will happen to people like my old colleagues when newspapers cease to exist. Perhaps they'll become well-paid bloggers. Until then, I'm doing my small part by keeping a subscription to my local newspaper. It's my $8/month contribution helping to keep a few old buddies from homelessness. Money well spent.

Founder's Day Dinner '08

Went to the BYU Law School's Founder's Day dinner tonight, as per our usual ritual. We have officially been a part of this dinner since 2000. Tonight's dinner was ... okay. The diner menu was salmon and chicken marsala, slightly downscaled from the days when they served us filet mignon. I blame it on the increase in food prices.

Tonight's speaker was Kim B. Clark, president of BYU-Idaho and former dean of Harvard MBA School. His talk was good, but not heartwarming and endearing necessarily. He layed out his vision for BYU-Idaho, and outlined how to be a disciple-leader. The speakers the last five years previously have been rather off-the-cuff and fun. It felt like the speakers were in an intimate room talking with a bunch of good friends giving them some "insider" stories about things that go on behind the scenes. President Clark was a touch dry. But he's a first-timer to the Founder's Day dinner scene, and I'm sure being at Harvard for the last decade hasn't helped his whimsical proclivity. But just knowing that someone like President Clark lasted as dean of the Harvard MBA school for 10 years and still has his testimony caused me to re-evaluate my choices and my direction. I have a desire to learn more and be a better disciple-leader in my own home.

The best story I brought away from his talk was a retelling of a story told to him by Henry Eyring. Eyring was president of Ricks at the time, and he was talking with his uncle, Spencer W. Kimball. He told President Kimball that he thought universities wouldn't exist in the Millenial reign of Christ. President Kimball told him that was "the stupidest thing he'd ever heard. Of course, there'll be universities. We have a lot to learn."

The man introducing President Clark had more personal and interesting stories. He was President Clark's companion when serving their missions in Germany. He alluded to a YouTube video of President Clark and Charlie Rose that is worth your viewing time. I provide a link for it here.

No pictures this year. Ben and Amy accompanied us again. Always glad to have their company. We'll be attending it again next year, and you'll have my full report.

Until then, this is Cindy Fisher saying, goodnight and I love you!

Women: What the ?

To say I'm a little disappointed in my own kind when I read articles like this is perhaps an understatement. If you have time, read the entire article, then bounce back over here and read by ranting rebuttle.

What is wrong with us, ladies, if topics espoused in the above-referenced article are consuming our thoughts? I center this post around women, as a woman and a friend. Like Bill Cosby to the African-American community, I'm an insider speaking out of love for my kind. If men happen to agree with me, that's well and good, but they have their own problems to worry about (e.g., porn, overworking, disengagement). This is for my sisters, who I love and revere and hold in awe. What are we becoming? Is our personal gratification our only concern? Is divorce really an answer to our problems?

Let's pretend for a second that I've had fleeting thoughts similar to the ones she's had. What good comes from expressing them? I kept hoping the article would include statistics or data to show how good marriage is; that even when times are hard, in the end you'll be happier to stick it out. Instead, she ends with a wish for a "better" future where marriage is an outdated institution. I'd hate to be the husband of the woman who wrote this article. How do you think this made him feel?

So I offer a side of hope for those of you in marriages where things seem bleak. These statistics are taken from the Utah Marriage site. The Utah Healthy Marriage Initiative is a small funding project each state has that is provided by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

From the site:

"Divorce did not reduce symptoms of depression for unhappily married adults, or raise their self-esteem, on average, compared to unhappy spouses who stayed married. The vast majority of divorces (74 percent) happened to adults who had been happily married five years previously. Unhappy marriages were less common than unhappy spouses. Staying married did not typically trap unhappy spouses in violent relationships. Spouses who turned their marriages around seldom reported that counseling played a key role.

• Divorce did not reduce symptoms of depression for unhappily married adults, or raise their self-esteem, on average, compared to unhappy spouses who stayed married.
• The vast majority of divorces (74 percent) happened to adults who had been happily married five years previously.
• Unhappy marriages were less common than unhappy spouses.
• Staying married did not typically trap unhappy spouses in violent relationships.
• Spouses who turned their marriages around seldom reported that counseling played a key role."

And for one more very interesting article, read this. The summary of this talk is "5 marriage myths and 6 marriage benefits."

• Myth 1: Divorce is usually the best answer for children when their parents' marriage becomes unhappy. Truth: It isn't.
• Myth 2: Marriage is mostly about children-if you don't have kids it doesn't matter if you marry, stay single, or cohabit.
• Myth 3: "Isn't marriage good for men and bad for women?"
• Myth 4: Promoting marriage and marital obligation puts women at risk for domestic violence.
• Myth 5: Marriage is essentially a private matter-just between the two people involved; that it's an affair of the heart between two adults and that no outsider, not even the children of the marriage, should be allowed to affect or interfere with it.

Now aren't these better articles to wrap your brain around? Don't you have hope that a better day will soon come? Sometimes life, love, and marriage are all about perspective.