Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Women: What the ?

To say I'm a little disappointed in my own kind when I read articles like this is perhaps an understatement. If you have time, read the entire article, then bounce back over here and read by ranting rebuttle.

What is wrong with us, ladies, if topics espoused in the above-referenced article are consuming our thoughts? I center this post around women, as a woman and a friend. Like Bill Cosby to the African-American community, I'm an insider speaking out of love for my kind. If men happen to agree with me, that's well and good, but they have their own problems to worry about (e.g., porn, overworking, disengagement). This is for my sisters, who I love and revere and hold in awe. What are we becoming? Is our personal gratification our only concern? Is divorce really an answer to our problems?

Let's pretend for a second that I've had fleeting thoughts similar to the ones she's had. What good comes from expressing them? I kept hoping the article would include statistics or data to show how good marriage is; that even when times are hard, in the end you'll be happier to stick it out. Instead, she ends with a wish for a "better" future where marriage is an outdated institution. I'd hate to be the husband of the woman who wrote this article. How do you think this made him feel?

So I offer a side of hope for those of you in marriages where things seem bleak. These statistics are taken from the Utah Marriage site. The Utah Healthy Marriage Initiative is a small funding project each state has that is provided by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

From the site:

"Divorce did not reduce symptoms of depression for unhappily married adults, or raise their self-esteem, on average, compared to unhappy spouses who stayed married. The vast majority of divorces (74 percent) happened to adults who had been happily married five years previously. Unhappy marriages were less common than unhappy spouses. Staying married did not typically trap unhappy spouses in violent relationships. Spouses who turned their marriages around seldom reported that counseling played a key role.
  • Divorce did not reduce symptoms of depression for unhappily married adults, or raise their self-esteem, on average, compared to unhappy spouses who stayed married.
  • The vast majority of divorces (74 percent) happened to adults who had been happily married five years previously.
  • Unhappy marriages were less common than unhappy spouses.
  • Staying married did not typically trap unhappy spouses in violent relationships.
  • Spouses who turned their marriages around seldom reported that counseling played a key role."

And for one more very interesting article, read this. The summary of this talk is "5 marriage myths and 6 marriage benefits."

  • Myth 1: Divorce is usually the best answer for children when their parents' marriage becomes unhappy. Truth: It isn't.
  • Myth 2: Marriage is mostly about children-if you don't have kids it doesn't matter if you marry, stay single, or cohabit.
  • Myth 3: "Isn't marriage good for men and bad for women?"
  • Myth 4: Promoting marriage and marital obligation puts women at risk for domestic violence.
  • Myth 5: Marriage is essentially a private matter-just between the two people involved; that it's an affair of the heart between two adults and that no outsider, not even the children of the marriage, should be allowed to affect or interfere with it.

Now aren't these better articles to wrap your brain around? Don't you have hope that a better day will soon come? Sometimes life, love, and marriage are all about perspective.

3 comments:

mariann and Tory said...

Wow! ALl I can say is that lady sounds like a depressed crazy lady that will never be satisfied! Its awful that she wrote that with out even thinking of what it will do to her husband AND kids. Its just another way people attack the sacredness of the family. They are trying to convice everyone that being married is awful. I love being married! It is like a slummber party every night!

go mom go said...

I get tired of women complaining about how bad their marriages are, or how horrible their husbands are.
I remember one of my visiting teachers saying one time that her dad was in the bishopric and when he had a spouse come in wanting a divorce, he would tell them to go home and treat their spouse as nice as they could for a week and then come back if they still wanted a divorce. He never had anyone come back.
I guess the moral of my comment here is...let us not be so negative towards our spouses. If we are the ones being critical maybe we are the ones who should be taking the criticism.

mariann and Tory said...

amen